Saturday, December 5, 2009

Aging


So, today is my birthday. I'm now officially closer to 50 than I was to 40. This annual ritual we go through takes on different meanings over the years. All through my 20s and 30s I still felt like I was growing up. Mentally, things shifted dramatically during my 40s - now I feel like I'm just growing older - not that I'm always mature, mind you, there's just something about crossing that half-way mark in life that puts a different spin on things.

Truthfully, I think I like the 40s. In some ways I still mentally feel like I'm in my 30s (I'm not delusional enough to still feel like I'm in my 20s). I suspect not raising children has kept me feeling mentally young. I'm so much more cognizant in this decade of what's important in life. I look back at the things that used to rile me up 20 years ago and today I can look at the same things and realize they just aren't worth the mental energy. I deal with stressful situations different in my 40s then I did a couple decades ago. Now I'm more able to step back, put some of the emotion aside, and try to look at a problem rationally and try to look at both sides (still a challenge sometimes but easier than it used to be).

I think I'm aware of emotional aging more than physical aging - and I enjoy and am consciously aware of the emotional aging. I rationalize differently, I react differently, I prioritize differently. And honestly, I feel its for the better. It's something I've worked at over the years and am only beginning to see the efforts pay off. Emotional maturity is an evolutionary process and being conscious of it is rewarding and challenging and exciting all at the same time. At times I see how I'm handling things now, comparing my reaction to how I used to handle things, and occasionally almost wishing I could go back and redo some of my life. But those years are water under the bridge.

Life, with all its ups and downs, all its challenges, and all its lessons, is a learning experience - if we choose to make it so and not let it get the best of us. I love the line "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." Life does try to break us all at one time or another. It's sent me my share of challenges over the years but I can honestly say I have grown stronger at the broken places. It's all a work in progress. Life may be half over but there's still half to go - I hope it's a great adventure.