Procrastination

Procrastination has plagued me my whole life. I don't know if it's getting better or worse to be quite honest. Some days I feel hopeful - some days I can tell myself to just "do it" - whatever "it" is. Sometimes it's making a followup phone call to a prospective employer, sometimes it's cooking vegetables for dinner, sometimes it's getting on the treadmill.

But then there's these other things that I just can't seem to dive into. The ironic thing is that some of the projects I procrastinate about are actually things I enjoy doing. For instance, the heritage scrapbook I've been working on for my mom. I confiscated all of her family photos nearly four years ago - with the promise that I would NOT take three years to complete the albums like I'd taken three years to complete my brother's heritage album. Like I said, that was four years ago. So what keeps me from completing it - like so many other projects I've started?

I suspect one of the problems is that some of the projects I take on seem just too big. For one thing, with the heritage album, there really isn't any place to spread everything out without turning the house into a total disaster. But more than that is the sheer magnitude of the project. Organizing all the pictures, putting historical information together, deciding how to organize the album, and then, finally, deciding how to set up each page. Then if company comes over everything has to get packed up and put away and by the time I unpack it I have to start the organization process all over because so much time has passed I've forgotten what my organizational thought process was when I last worked on it.

The same problem exists for so many other projects. There's 1000s of recipes that need to be scanned and organized, 10,000 pieces of paper that need to have something done with them, and years and years of photos that need to be dealt with. And the longer I procrastinate the bigger the project grows - and the older I get.

Growing up my dad was always a big talker (we called it something else back then but I'll keep this clean). I think Dad had some big dreams and some things he really wanted to accomplish in life - but he just never did them. In my younger adult life I remember not wanting to be like that. But now I see I haven't escaped this family trait as much as I would have liked.

But maybe I am a little different than Dad if I think about it - because I have managed to do some of the things I used to talk about. For instance I did go to law school - even though I talked about it for years before finally doing so. I was 40 when I finished. How much further along would I be if I hadn't procrastinated all those years? I've been told I take a long time to make up my mind to do things. Am I procrastinating or just being cautious? It's not a big secret that I'm not a fan of change. But if I'm going to make big changes I want all my ducks in a row - I want to know there's security and safety at the other end of the change. So I procrastinate - or I take time to plan and think things through very carefully. It could all just be a matter of perspective. I don't know. I like thinking that when it comes to the big things in life I'm playing it safe rather than procrastinating. Kinda my way of putting a positive spin on things I guess.

I'm going to stop writing now since the only reason I started this was because I was procrastinating having to go to bed. I don't have a way to end this gracefully except to quote Scarlett O'Hara and say "Oh fiddle de dee," I can't be bothered with this now, I'll think about this tomorrow, because "After all, tomorrow is another day."